I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
