My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
