Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
