it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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