Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
