the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
