Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
