I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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