Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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