Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
