I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We talked him into tasing himself.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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