Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
