I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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