My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
