who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
