Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
