you win again, gameday.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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