Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
