You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
