saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm gonna fight the coyote
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
