It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
