Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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