Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
