last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
