Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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