One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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