I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
