why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
