I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
