Christians are straight up FREAKS
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
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