I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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