You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
