I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
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