guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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