oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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