Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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