i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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