At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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