She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
