Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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