Dual....:-)
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
