I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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