So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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