If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
we made out on top of his cat.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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