I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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