I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
