you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just found a bag of teeth...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
