don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
