and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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