Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
