I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
