you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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