I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
