Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
