OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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