i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
